In this personal update I want to focus on two things – the most important point in my spiritual evolution and the most important point in my material life.
Firstly, I’ll tell you about what’s changing materially.
I’ve made a hard decision to leave India.
There are many reasons for this, but the most important one is that I cannot stay under a “mother’s wing” for too long as it’s not healthy. Yes, I feel that the land of India is my mother, because this land has given birth to the new me; I was born in flesh in Lithuania, but I was born in Spirit in India.
I believe that India is the only land that still has almost tangible spiritual energy, though having not visited all the places of the world I can only guess. Indian people still observe spiritual customs rooted in truth (though now done superficially), and there are still places where alcohol consumption is prohibited, communities are pure vegetarians and pray to God daily, like Gokarna.
If these places are no more, and instead of temples nightclubs, pubs, cinema complexes and shopping centres are built (the “heights” of our modern civilization), India would become yet another soul-less country. I really hope it will retain its traditions at least in some cities.
Also, Indian spirituality is upheld by traditional Indian women who believe in faithful marriages and do not derive their sense of worth from the shape of their bodies. It seems that out of all the women in the world (again, having not visited all the countries I’m guessing, but I think my guess is correct), it’s only Indian women who retain their traditions.
It seems that when women become “loose”, society experiences moral degradation. (As the woman is indeed the neck, and the man – head; where the neck turns, the head must do too.) Probably that might happen to Indian women in the future also. That’s because when suppressed women are given freedom, and their minds aren’t yet developed due to ancient restrictions on female development, they often think that freedom means short skirts, lasciviousness and copying male behavior such as competition and aggression, rather than the creation of truly feminine enterprises, nurturing true self-respect and deepening feminine wisdom.
Though India is indeed a spiritual land, it’s not healthy to rely for too long on anything that’s external. And having found That which I was looking for with the help of this great land, I no longer need to cling to it.
Yes, I did find the Source of Being in my quiet times alone, in my meditations and prayers. The land of India has provided perfect vibrations and extraordinary spiritual texts to get in touch with my real Self. Now I only need to deepen this connection by never forgetting to turn within, until all the impurities are no more, and thus I become my Greater Self which permeates the entire creation.
(I must add here that some of my readers have found their Source of Being too, but because it’s so profound (and yet, at the same time, the most natural thing), it didn’t yet really “hit” them with its reality. It’s like when you’ve been trying to become a millionaire all your life and you suddenly achieve this goal, it will take time to really understand that it’s not a fantasy but reality.
Also, I must tell here that the biggest sign that you’ve found That is when all your questions end – you no longer have the drive to go and seek. So stay in your being when this happens, and soon it will “dawn” on you.)
So now there’s no excuse to cling to the crutch I’ve held so dear for six years, because that would be like for a healed patient to still carry a crutch with him because he’d carried it for so long! So this crutch eventually becomes a burden for him – its days of being a helpful tool are finished.
India is so dear to me that probably for a long time I’ll feel like being without a limb. It will feel like some living part of me was snatched away. At least that’s how I had felt all the previous times I had to be away from India.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to bear such a separation. My true wish is to only come back to India when this land is uprooted from my heart and so I no longer see it with needy eyes but just with wonder and appreciation. So this parting can truly be compared with leaving some person behind on whom you’ve relied and dearly loved for a long time, but realized that you cannot fully develop as an individual by being dependent on him or her.
Due to my intense attachment to India I was blind to the fact that Life itself was urging me to become independent of it. Many people who make India their home for spiritual reasons are urged in the same way, yet they don’t want to see it. I understand them completely, having been in the same boat. It’s hard to leave a safe and warm embrace of a lover or mother.
I was blind to the fact that this attachment created difficulties and made me make choices not based on my Self, but India instead. For example, the time and effort spent in getting new tourist visas, the need to leave the country to get a new visa, making decisions of which countries to visit based on whether their Indian embassies issue tourist visas for foreign persons… So so many of my choices were colored by my attachment to India. This happens with any worldly attachment, by the way – the stronger the earthly attachment, the heavier the price to pay.
Before I allowed myself to think of leaving this crutch behind, I was wondering if there was any possibility to stay in India permanently without having to do visa runs. But all of them pointed in some way to selling your soul to some degree.
For example, some foreign people marry Indians to stay in India. If marriage takes place for this reason, for me this is like selling your soul. Some foreigners start businesses here, but that’s definitely a big “no” for me because I want to disentangle from earthly worries and not to entangle myself with them.
If I start a business in India, it will definitely include much paperwork, jealousy of locals (most people still have a village mindset), little worries about buying business assets and about cashflow and worrying if big enough profit is made required for the business visa extension.. So the mind won’t be dwelling on God but on money and the little things of life, which would drastically lower vibration and lessen the connection with the Source of All Being. It’s just something I could never do.
I was also considering taking some volunteering job here, like teaching kids, but I was thinking that this would probably involve human dramas and other ego antics (as I would have to interact with other teachers and maybe even kids’ parents) and I love my solitude and peace of mind too much to risk disturbing this peace even to a small degree. So I had to acknowledge that the peace of mind is the most important treasure that I have. I could never put it in jeopardy, because this kind of mind allows me to tune into the Source of All – so it is the biggest treasure on earth.
Once I’ve realized that I must leave India, two countries presented themselves for my consideration: Philippines and Portugal. Eventually, I’ve decided on Philippines as I would quite like to see its pristine white sand beaches and extraordinary flora and fauna. Though I can never be sure if I like it once I’m there, and so maybe I’ll find myself getting a ticket to Malaysia, or Vietnam, or maybe even to my thought-about Portugal which I’ve been to twice and like very much.
So only time will show what will happen after leaving India. I’ll try not to make intellectual decisions – I’ll try to rely on the guidance of That as much as possible, though the human habit of relying on logic and personal intelligence is definitely not yet uprooted from my being.
Finally, I cannot guarantee that I won’t come running back to India! Maybe this attachment will prove too strong to break at this moment. If you’ve never experienced strong human love or intense attraction to the energy of some place, you might not understand how dear India is to me. It’s like leaving a part of me behind. When I’m away from India, I feel like an uprooted plant. Though my body might be in some other country, my heart dwells in India. So this change is the hardest of all.
If I would be given a chance to stay in India all my life, I would. But since I see Life itself telling me to leave this attachment, I must, with a bleeding heart, comply. Going against the flow of life with ambitious self-willed actions of ego isn’t me anymore.
Now the next big change I’d like to briefly tell you about is to do with my spiritual progress.
As I’ve already written, I did get in touch with my Source of Being, and it should be considered as the greatest point in my spiritual unfoldment. But that’s not the change that I’d like to describe here. And that’s because when the reality dawns on you that you did get in touch with your True Self, it doesn’t seem like some achievement at all, but something that you were in touch with all your life – you just never knew.
So Ramana Maharshi was right in saying that finding your Self is like searching for your necklace all over the place and eventually realizing that you never lost it – it was adoring your neck all this time.
This change in no way indicates that I’ve become as wise as spiritual masters such as Buddha. Buddha experienced, as he calls in Lankavatara Sutta, the “turning about in the deepest seat of consciousness”. Only when people go through this experience can they become totally at one with the Source. I had a few openings to make this happen, but my ego was mortally afraid to let go, to get sucked into the Void (from which the entire creation sprang into being). Trust me when I tell you – this experience is scarier than death itself (to the ego) because the ego naturally senses it’s its permanent dissolution. I’m not ready to face this change yet.
Having said this, here’s the biggest spiritual change that’s happening to me now, as a result of finding the Self:
My personality is disintegrating.
I know it sounds scary, but that’s actually a very joyful thing to go through. It’s so misunderstood and feared by some that I’m currently writing a donation-based e-report to explain all about it. Go through it everyone must, if they are on the right path to the Light. Because only when your little self dies can your True Self emerge.
So my little self is disintegrating. This little self is personality. Personality is ego. The more layers of personality are discarded, the more Joy comes through. Because the Self itself is pure Love and Joy – pure Life. So the grip on life starts becoming lighter and lighter, and things that one used to fuss about before seem unimportant or much less important now, like what clothes one wears and how one appears in the public eye, or about money.
But instead of superficially explaining this major change in this update, I’m going to explain it all in the e-report. It will be donation-based because I want this information to be seen only by those who know that they need to know. Those who have no idea what I’m talking about, or how that’s even possible, or consider such a change very fearful and unwelcome, aren’t yet ready to know. Such ones would also totally misinterpret my words, and I already have enough people misunderstanding my articles! So this report won’t be public but based on donation.
The report is almost completed, but it might take time to edit it, and since I rely on inspiration for doing any kind of work, I don’t want to promise any particular date of release.
Finally…
I hope that you took these two major lessons from this update:
First, that once you sufficiently spiritually grow, all external crutches must be done away with so that you can truly get established in That which is within you.
Second, that once you touch the Source of your Being, your personality will start disintegrating, and you cannot stop that once it starts happening. So you must be prepared for it, but fear not, as it’s the most joyful change one can ever experience, because you’re leaving the strong grip of the ever-insecure ego and finally becoming your true fearless, joyful, powerful and loving Self.
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