This post is dedicated to my mother, who gave me the freedom to choose the life that pleases me most. I’ll be forever grateful to her for respecting my decisions.
It’s also dedicated to Foreli Kramarik, the mother of a child prodigy Akiane, who made me view the education of children from a different angle. All her children are creative geniuses, because they were allowed to express themselves and never experienced parental violence.
Though our paths are completely different, I’m grateful to Foreli for making huge effort to enlighten parents about how not to hinder children, but let them naturally unfold their talents.
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Since I live in India, I can speak for Indian parents. But I’m sure in many other countries the story is the same.
In India parents love to show off what their kids can do.
A child becomes a way to entertain guests, whether she can sing a difficult classical song or dance in an ancient style. Yet what you usually find is this very same child being bored out of her mind, anxiously waiting for the singing or dancing class to finish.
When I used to attend carnatic (ancient Indian music style) vocal classes, there was one girl there that would attend the classes regularly. She was so hard to notice that if you wouldn’t look around, probably you wouldn’t even see her. She was tiny and very quiet, and she loved to sit in the corner of the classroom.
Her shutting of ears with palms, the spine curled up, and elbows resting on her lotus-posture crossed legs sent a clear message – I don’t want to hear this music, and I don’t want to be here. But her parents wanted her to be an entertainment tool for guests, so she would probably be forced to attend the music class for quite a few more years.
If only would such parents stop thinking selfishly, about what they want the child to become, and start paying attention to the child’s natural inclinations, the world would be enriched with much more talent and beauty.
The girl I just wrote about is obviously highly introverted, so she shouldn’t be put in a class where she’s the center of attention during her turn to perform. It unnecessarily stresses her out, and causes her to become even more introverted.
She should be observed when she’s alone; maybe she would be found writing, or studying something. She might have a gift to become a poet, a painter, or maybe a doctor, but definitely not a singer!
A child is not an entertainment tool, nor is she a fulfiller of parents’ desires. The child is a unique soul that should be allowed to unfold freely.
Everyone has a natural talent, but in many people those talents remain undeveloped, buried deep within. And this happens because parents themselves weren’t allowed to develop their talents in childhood, and so they inflict the same damage on their children. It’s time to break this useless cycle that robs the world of unique self-expression.
I was fortune to have a mother who managed to wake up and break the cycle of this suppression. She allowed me to develop in any direction I chose, and when I refused an offered free education in a prestigious music gymnasium, she was upset, but let me, as a mere child, choose my own way.
She also borrowed money to buy me a flight ticket to the UK after I finished school, to follow my dream of independent living. Though sometimes we have a difficult relationship, in my heart I’m forever grateful that she didn’t keep me closed in a cage, so to speak, but let my soul develop how it wished.
I made mistakes because of my choices, but everyone does. I started off by taking uncertain steps, but gradually the trust in my abilities grew, and I started confidently walking my chosen road. How many people walk the road of their choosing?
If you have a child, observe what they do, and if they are introverts, don’t stuff them into a noisy class possibly having bullies. You can do serious damage to an overly sensitive introverted child with such a decision. Such a child surely has beautiful gifts inside, but such gifts can only unfold in a quiet, non-judgmental, and safe environment.
Without any opinions and beliefs, let spontaneous actions of a child show you which direction they should be developed in. And if a child changes mind and stops the activity once loved, let him. If love expired for the activity, it would be useless to continue. And if the activity is meant for the child, after some rest, which might take years, it will be taken up with renewed vigor and love, and might never get extinguished again.
Encourage and give constructive feedback
When I was visiting a Buddhist nun’s sister’s family in Sri Lanka, there was a girl living in that house who was truly talented. She was painting really well, but nobody paid attention to her talent. Since I know how to paint too, I spent lots of time with her encouraging her to continue her unique style of drawing, and corrected some logical mistakes that children make when painting.
In a day I already noticed a huge improvement in her painting style, and since I spoke to her in English, her English was rapidly improving too. This just shows that children are like little sponges when it comes to absorbing information (and applying it), and they’re like little fast-growing plants, because they thrive on compliments and encouragement, and they’re motivated to ever-improve and create ever-more-beautiful art as a result.
So if a child paints something, or creates something, comment on it in a gentle and constructive way. Always compliment on any positive point you see in the art, and gently try to make the child see inconsistencies or the lack of logic in the art, so that they’d see the mistakes and don’t make them again. It’s so very easy to help the child to quickly unfold his or her talent.
Children left alone usually find themselves
Even when children are just left alone, thus without being pressured to take up some activity they dislike, they can find the way to develop their gifts.
Such a child was Arundhati Roy, for example. Indian culture truly grasps everyone in its strong embrace and it’s very hard for people to become individuals. Arundhati, fortunately, was allowed to do as she pleased (because of her fiery character, if I remember right).
So she did. She lived in a slum, wrote a lot, married a film director and then divorced him, and then wrote a novel that book houses fought to publish. Got it published, won the Booker Prize, and now, since she got world-wide acclaim, tries to make the world aware of the hidden problems of India.
She doesn’t care what others think of her, she dresses in any way she pleases, she writes when she’s inspired to, and she makes final book publishing decisions rather than allowing publishers to control the process. She really lives on her own terms.
Pandita Ramabai was another Indian woman who was left to discover herself without the firm clasp of the culture because of her father’s unique views about the liberation of women. It was also because her parents died early so she wasn’t pressured to marry as a child (the custom of India at the time).
Instead, she started lecturing on Indian spirituality, was one of the first Indian women to gain education abroad, and wrote about the suppression of Indian women – a big taboo to write about at that time.
Though ages gone past, her book is still in print, shedding great light on the extreme suppression of women at the time (though it still exists now in a milder form), and ways to help them be freed.
So these two examples show that children can find themselves if only allowed to do so. I was one of such children too, due to my mother. She allowed me to develop in any way I wanted and corrected me only when I was obviously making wrong choices (like being with the wrong crowd or trying alcohol). This gentle guidanceand the freedom of choice gradually made me realize the gifts I had to share with the world.
We shouldn’t be obstacles for talents of children, but observant and wise helpers. The world is already full of mediocrity; let’s give it more color and uniqueness by letting the hidden talents of children to unfold.
Resource: simonarich.com
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