Personal Update about my Changing Consciousness

Change in me is happening so rapidly that there’s no way I could ever put all that I’m going through in writing. But I’ll mention the most important experiences in this post, so that you know my current state of being.

Some of the things that I’m going through cannot be well translated in words, but I did my best to explain them.

On celibacy

Celibacy has caused me such a profound realization that I don’t even know how to put it in words. I know what happened but I don’t know yet how to explain it as it’s so vast and new. I guess I’m still assimilating the experience.

This knowledge is capable of freeing from miseries those who can understand it; but firstly I must understand it myself in its fullness for me to explain it to all. Thus my mind is busy putting into words what happened to me, and it’s taking time!

I must update the celibacy book with all the new developments that came as a result of this practice. I’m still waiting for one experience which I feel is coming. I hope it will happen soon so that I could start the work of updating the book. For those who already bought the previous book the updated one will be sent for free.

Shedding false layers of Self, and Divine Will

What I’m going through at the moment is very hard to describe. I feel like layers of self that I thought were me are being torn off me, and only when they’re no longer part of my being I realize that they were foreign from the very start.

All personal whims are disappearing like dry leaves being burnt to nothingness. The selfish me is vanishing even when it comes to financial security, since that doesn’t matter much to me now. The more I’m freed from false concepts of self and false things I considered important, the more I feel like I’m just energy, part of the universe, so free and so light… Absolute joy is my nature (and yours too!), and when all the fetters of the world are no more, which are nothing but fear-built barriers that don’t really exist, I can resume being as God created me – never-ending ecstatic bliss that Life is.

My will is almost no more. In prayers (too many to count) I merged my will with that of the Creator, and now when the ‘I’ arises for some selfish gain, the pain I feel within straight away extinguishes the whim. Sometimes I’m totally unaware of where I am or what I do – it’s like I’m with God, and I feel so safe and all my trust is there. So I know that however my body is used, it’s for the good of all.

A very important development is the strong sense that I have when I’m going against the Will of God. The feeling of unease strikes me so unpleasantly that this keeps me on a straight road to God. This is the most precious gift, the best guide to the Divine. I acquired it by being true to myself – by no longer allowing my lower self to fool me into cheating the Higher Self.

A new power and the guidance of Jesus

Due to celibacy I acquired one power; it’s a dangerous one and it caused me much grief as I was afraid I would misuse it. So I prayed to God continuously about what to do with this new development, and got the answer so clear that I just cried and cried. I’ll write about it in the celibacy book update.

Jesus is my guide and I no longer have any doubts about his presence on this earth. He’s with me always because I strive for love and light. Love is the greatest law on Earth, and everyone walking the path of Love is protected and will be led to ever-higher knowledge about the reality and the Self. Yet the concept of love differs so much on different levels of development! And that’s why it’s important to always strive for more light, so that the concept of love is ever expanding until you really know what love is.

Spontaneous meditation and the change of energy

I spontaneously meditate for hours – there’s nothing more divine and joyful than placing the awareness into the depths of the Self. My mood is serene and so naturally I close my eyes and the consciousness sinks into my being.

This state of total tranquility and absorption into my being allows me to hear the voice of the Higher Self. This allowed me to get the answers to many questions about celibacy, reality, God. If there’s a definite feeling that I should publish this information, I will.

Due to celibacy my energy got finer and so there’s more light in me; and this definitely makes people pay attention – they feel it. And when I focus my attention on any particular individual, they feel it like a beam of light, and they react in various ways. Some start visibly shaking (I witnessed this enough times to know it’s because of my observation of them), some forget what they were talking about and try really hard to recover the lost train of thoughts; some avoid my look and lower their eyes. They know that I read their nature, since Light illumines all the dark corners, and nothing can hide. I’m not telling you I’m total Light, yet I’m striving for that and so impurities are vanishing fast.

Sometimes I get totally on the same vibration with the mind of some individual, and so I know their line of thoughts. They’re definitely aware that something’s going on when I read their minds, though I cannot yet grasp exactly what they feel. I’m not interested in reading thoughts at all, so I never consciously use this ability, but sometimes this happens spontaneously.

This ability made me realize what sweethearts people are, as most of them take actions that our egos interpret in a totally wrong way. They frequently take action that looks negative, yet the intention is to be loved or approved of (which is quite the same). In reality, there are only a few evil-minded individuals, and the rest are misguided sheep, having light, yet following wrong ‘teachers’.

Going back to the effects of greater light. I wondered why some people would start shaking if thought-free attention is directed at them. And I got the answer that it’s because my mind is empty of the garbage of continuous chatter, so the light that the garbage covered can illumine things again, and this translates into high energy. People feel this thought-free high energy directed at them and it’s such an unusual experience that their reaction sometimes is of the most unusual kind. Most people’s attention is scattered all over and covered by the cloud of chaotic thoughts, so when they pay attention to some individual, the individual doesn’t feel anything much.

That’s why gurus can attract millions… it feels absolutely wonderful to be bathed in thought-free attention as thought-free being is nothing less than God. And so gurus who meditate and control their thoughts are in possession of huge power, and those who got in control of their minds for selfish purposes can do great harm to the devotees.

Days of spontaneous contemplation

Sometimes I have days where I do nothing, and I forget even about the existence of everything of the world, even my blog, people I know, and what is happening around me or where I am. During those days usually a thought presents itself and I know there’s a reason why it does – I need to contemplate it so that it would reveal me new truths about itself. On one such day, for example, when I knew that this mood of total quietness was approaching, suddenly a thought came that was this:

Jesus had an x-ray vision.

This yogic power of Jesus came to my knowledge through the story of him seeing the golden coin in the belly of a fish which I read in The Aquarian Gospel. Although I read it quite a few times, I never reflected on the story. Yet this time I knew that I had to contemplate this power of his. And so I did – for two days this thought was on my mind, and the experience it gave of the reality of this power is very hard to explain.

All I can say is this. When you read, you don’t really feel or know. You just see words and then some representation of the words comes to you, picked up from the storehouse of personal experiences. So this representation is usually false (that’s the reason many readers don’t really understand my writings but think they do). Yet when you totally focus on one thought only, and allow it to disclose its truth without projecting on it your personal experiences, it gradually shows what it really stands for.

And so this experience made me understand Jesus in a deeper way.

Another sentence, for example, which presented itself in my tranquil consciousness to be contemplated was this:

The union with God.

I thought and read about this so many times. The union with God. Yet what is thisunion? I realized how shallow my understanding of that was. Before my contemplation the word union would stand for some vague ‘merging’ with the Divine and I left it at that. But this time, when I was contemplating it, this word opened a totally new dimension of its being. Words are really worlds. The beauty of the English language!!

How can I explain what this word showed to me? The union with God is the permanent quenching of the thirst of the soul who was lost for what seems like forever. It’s the ultimate experience that cannot be described in worldly terms because its so much more than the embrace of a lover, an act of sex, a love of a parent. It’s all this combined into one and multiplied unlimited times and never-ending! That’s what the union with the Divine is, and that’s why the soul is unhappy until it’s found, because the world, with all its pleasures and treasures, could never give a soul that which God can. (I will write much more about this realization in the celibacy book update.)

The end of special friendships

I no longer have any special friends. I’m a friend of all and a special friend to no-one. I know it’s the right thing to do, as I feel this in my heart and I will not change it. The world is in dire need of love, and I’m not going to spend it on a few selected ones, but will love all the world as I love God.

This lesson is not yet perfectly learnt, because though not even a trace of hate is left, there’s still a wish to distance myself from those who are in deep darkness. I hope to replace this with compassion for them and the effort to bring at least a little bit of light into their miserable existence.

The event that made me decide to discontinue all the special friendships is this. One day I met my two beloved girl-friends for coffee, and all they did was talk about this or that person, about their likes and dislikes that really don’t matter. They got visibly upset when I didn’t side with their view of the people they gossiped about. I didn’t want to preach, but since they asked for my opinion, I told them that it’s not up to me to judge those whose life stories I don’t know. I’m not sinless myself to be condemning others for their sins.

Hearing this, both of them got uncomfortable. Definitely being led by That which is beyond me, I was unable to get involved in any further talk with them. All I could do was lower my eyes and start reading ACIM on my mobile. There was nothing more I could do, as there was almost a tangible instruction not to look at them again. Strangely, they couldn’t talk much between themselves either, so all of us ended up interacting with our mobiles for the rest of the evening.

When the evening finished and I went back to my hotel, I felt so sad. I hadn’t felt such sadness in such a long time! Maybe even never, not this type, at least. As the sadness was not about my little fussy self, but about others. I saw such huge potential in these two souls, yet all they did was spending days in pursuits of men, useless talk and shopping for the things they didn’t need. The feeling of grief was so aweful I cannot desribe it to you, my reader. It must be felt to know what I talk about. It’s like not your mind, but the soul itself is grieving. It was the worst day I had, yet I learnt a great lesson because of this experience.

This lesson was that never again should I willingly involve myself in such useless pursuits when each moment is precious and should be used for soul’s progress to the Light and leading others towards it. Such useless talks only give birth to evils of all sorts, like interest in the dramas of other people and judgement of others.

I also realized that the ego loves singling out special people to hang out with for reasons which obscure the truth of Oneness. Whether the special relationship is based on mutual hate or like of someone or something, or a particular religion, club membership or whatever, this keeps them feeling superior to those that are different, and it makes them view the rest of humanity as ‘others’. Since I saw this ego trick, I promised to myself to never again favor certain ones to give my time or attention to.

What real love is

People are so not used to real love… it makes me sad to see their surprised look when I give important-to-them advice without asking anything in return and not even knowing who they are, or when I show care or say a loving word to those I don’t know, or when I help without any selfish reason. People really don’t know how to react to this. Most feel awkward, some express great surprise and thanks and look at me in awe like at some alien. How far from human nature we are.

It also makes me feel sad when people get excessively attached to me for showing love or care for them, and then they want my attention all to themselves. They don’t understand love. Their selfish nature prevents them from understanding. This sad state of humanity only confirms the grave need to bring greater Light to the world, and so I pray a lot for greater understanding of this reality and how to do my part in elevating the consciousness of humanity.

The end of self-willed action

Self-willed action involves effort, and effort no longer feels natural to me. So I allow things to come and go, gradually exhausting karma and not creating new consequences. I try to accept everything with an equal mind, and when this doesn’t happen, I always trace it to some attachment and pray to get free of it. It feels so unpleasant to try to control that which doesn’t please “the little me”, that this naturally makes me to ease up and let go. And then all goes well, as it’s in the hands of God.

So I accept all experiences that come my way, as I know that they were sent for a reason. Such acceptance makes my life meaningful for I get exactly what’s needed for my development or the benefit of others.

The timing of my actions is becoming perfect, as I let them play out at their right time without any personal initiative which comes from limited knowledge. So when the energy comes directing me to take this or that action, I jut get on the wave, so to speak, and it gets done quickly, perfectly and effortlessly. And when there’s no impulse at all to take action, I relax into this non-doing and enjoy it immensely too.

I fully trust the Universe – it will get me to act when it’s the best time to act, and it will make me take the action that’s perfect. All of us have a role to play in this Universe, and we interfere with our parts when personal ego-driven whims get in the way and distract us from our soul’s journey. This raises questions about the concept of free will, and I may write about this if the energy is there!

This way of living removes all stress and saves personal energy. I love living with the rhythm of the universe rather than causing waves when the water looks clear and beautiful.

Other changes

All the worldly concerns are almost gone. My Self is in the hands of God, and when the ego tries to raise some silly fear that doesn’t matter or some seeming ‘problem’, I pray for guidance and in return get clarity of mind total peace. The seeming ‘problems’ or fears vanish as they never were. These prayers made me realize thatthe intellect itself causes problems and then suffers because of them; that the problems are not really problems – it’s the thinking process itself that’s the problem. I understand this needs explanation, but this post is already very long so I hope to write about this if the impulse is there. ACIM hints at this too throughout the book.

I talk very little. Sometimes there are days when I don’t talk at all. This is a natural development of my spontaneous meditations, though I haven’t been a talkative person for a few years. The more I know, the less I seem to want to speak about my knowledge. Some of the things I know cannot be put in words. If I tried, many would grossly misinterpret my teachings and this would harm more than do good.

The other reason why I don’t talk about certain things is that I don’t even know from where to begin explaining them! Every sentence would require ten more for it to be understood, so I just sigh and keep it within. Books could be written about some things I know, yet the impulse to write them is not there – maybe because the knowledge is not ripe enough in me to write about them.

This partial silence made me realize that most human talk is useless. It’s a waste of precious energy that could be put to better uses. The world is changed quicker through personal example of how to live rather than through lectures, because people naturally copy the behavior of others. So I’m busy purifying my conduct so that those who see me live learn a lesson about how to live well.

The State of Other-Worldliness post marked the stage of no return on my path to Oneness. I heard this said in my mind on that day in Rishikesh, and this was confirmed by the yogi I wrote about here too. He used almost the same words that I heard in my head – there’s no turning back now. (I notice this happening when I achieve some important stage of life – that the message I hear in my mind is expressed through some other person too, usually the very same sentence.)

The stage of no return means that I’ll no longer reincarnate on the Earth automatically – further development will allow me to choose. Kaivalya Navaneeta, the sacred Tamil text confirms too that when you reach the stage when this life seems nothing but a dream, you’ll no longer be born on the Earth. I’ve experienced further change of consciousness since writing that post, until I arrived at the highest that I’ve experienced to this day.

During one of my spontaneous meditations I lost consciousness of my Self and became everything. All life was in me, and I was all life. When I came back to my worldly consciousness, I was disoriented for some time. When a person can dwell in this state at will for as long as one wants, that’s what’s called liberation. I only got a glimpse of it because of the grace of God.

There were many other developments, but this post is already very long and I think I’ve mentioned the most important ones. Many changes are also still in progress, so I want them to play out and show their meaning before I write about them.

I sincerely hope this post brought you greater Light in the form of inspiration or better understanding. May you experience quick development of your consciousness to finally uncover the Light that you are!

Resource: simonarich.com